He is about 14months old and was diagnosed with FIP on June 11.

‎29-‎Jul-‎17

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My cat is dying. He has been deteriorating over the past few months and the grief I am feeling is overwhelming.

He is about 14months old and was diagnosed with FIP on June 11. FIP is a terminal disease caused by a virus, is rare, and generally kills the cat within weeks of infection.

I've had plenty of pets die from old age, and while their deaths were saddening beyond belief, this is something that I have not experienced. The best I can describe it is an anticipatory grief. Not only am I mourning the present but I am simultaneously mourning the near future.

I've researched FIP so much my vet refers to myself as more knowledgeable than him on it. I've spent all my energy trying to find a cure or just at a minimum some additional time for him. And I'm failing. Badly.

Kitten Cody is a classic ragdoll and just about the most affectionate "velcro" cat that I've ever had. He's always been my shadow, my little buddy.

I just moved to OKC a few weeks ago from Nebraska, and before that San Francisco. I've been following my fiancé around for work. We move again in October and we won't find out where we're heading until a week before we need to be at the new location (FAA).

I don't feel like I have any control in my life right now. I have no control over what's happening with him and its devastating. I have no control over where I'm going to end up in a few months. I can't start looking for a job or fun or anything. I'm just existing, waiting for tomorrow.

I'm trying to get out to exercise now. Trying to get out so that I can do something for me. I feel an overwhelming amount of guilt when I do. My cat never liked it when I left before and now it's worse and I can't shake the feeling that I am abandoning him.

He's such an awesome cat. Would always play fetch with us. Always in a great mood. Won over my fiancé who was most defiantly not a cat person. Loved being held and cuddling. Just an all around kick ass cat.

I know he's *just* a cat and that he's not a person but what I'm feeling is worse pain than I've ever felt for a person. My whole life at home revolves around my buddy. There has never been a time when he was not one step behind me. Never a time I took a shower alone or able to fold the laundry in peace. Everything is changing, everything will change. My one constant, my little buddy who I love endlessly, is near the end and I am at a complete loss.